Things are getting better all the time. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. My mistakes dont define me. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Looking for positive funny affirmations? 119. 6. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 159. Bill Murray In between, I am alive., 7. The best things in life are free. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 3. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. To thrive in life you need three bones. 211. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. There are endless opportunities. Envelope. 135. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 2. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 6. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? I love my body. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. 58. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 8. My mom scolds me for no reason. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 132. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. I never apologize. 80. How do trees access the internet? Exercise? Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Ken Dodd, 255. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. 1. "If you see me talking to myself. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Funny positive affirmations do work. 157. 229. 92. 180. 140. Not everyone has good taste. 236. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 69. The world is missing some pizzazz. 77. 276. Because he was always spotted. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Edward A. Murphy. 112. 39. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. I draw from my inner strength and light. 73. Albert Einstein, 190. 278. 274. 2. 224. Life begins on Friday night. 17. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Any text will do. 216. You wanna know who Im in love with? "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". 143. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. happy. Im not insulting you. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 123. Walter Bagehot. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". 179. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 150. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. It was created to do amazing things. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. It will warm you twice unknown. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. 1. Sincerely, yourself. Hi! It gets toad away. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Steve Martin Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 266. 70. 183. 138. 15. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. East It just plain forms. It doesnt work if it is not open. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. You try again, but no sound is coming out. Take a look! Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Its called tomorrow. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. George Burns, 253. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. Charles M. Schulz Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 14. Confidence makes me powerful. 4. Milton Berle, 245. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Why did the school kids eat their homework? What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 274. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 155. 52. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Im like a postage stamp. Steven Alexander Wright. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Its okay if people dont like me. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 167. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. - Jeffrey Gitomer. It doesnt work if it is not open. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. All you need is love. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Use this space for describing your block. 38. I receive what I believe. 142. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. It may feel useless but just get into it. 193. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. In the morning, I cant get up. Look, youre smiling! .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. All rights reserved. 115. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). 187. 255. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. A gummy bear. 57. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. 245. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Walter Bagehot And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Sometimes the M is silent. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. 19. 123. 268. Ive been doing nothing for years. Raimonda.B. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 268. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Batwoman: single. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 112. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 75. Why is England the wettest country? 64. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. 100. 207. 154. You cant have everything, where would you put it? I am happy and joyful. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. 5. 148. 7. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. Happy Birthday.". Stressed spelled backward is desserts. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Make it inspiring. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Yeah, so is a grenade. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Those who snore always fall asleep first. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 1. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. I create my life on a quantum level. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 201. If only common sense were more common. I'm having a staff meeting.". Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Honolulu, its got everything. P.D. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. 107. In the morning, I cant get up. Because he was always spotted. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. Description for this block. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Milton Berle Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. 168. So far, so good. Positive mindset affirmations. 71. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 69. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 218. - Irish Saying. 191. I get up, dress up, and show up. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. 108. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Decomposing. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Love your enemies. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. 5. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Live life to the fullest. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 16. 261. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. It will just flow naturally. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. 108. Czech proverb Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 203. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. I make the right choices every time. 59. I love my job only when Im on vacation. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 174. Good morning! 10. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. How do astronomers organize a party? Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 68. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 96. I have a lot to offer. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 136. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 1. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 45. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. I did not trip and fall. 93. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. 76. You never run out of things that can go wrong. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 237. We'll get to that later. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. He who laughs last didnt get it. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 1. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? 117. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. 46. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 90. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. We need to hear a pin drop. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 129. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Not a peli-cant. I intend to live forever. 120. Swimming trunks. Bill Murray. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Stuart Turner Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. 185. What is Mozart doing right now? 102. Why was six scared of seven? I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 1. Bill Murray I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. 267. My cankles will hold me. 212. Jackie Collins Run. My jokes do. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Learn sign language, its very handy. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 171. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 233. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 191. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 65. 215. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. What is the tallest building in the entire world? My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 7. It takes so little to change your life! Making everyone angry, piece of cake. Hes dreaming too. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. 73. 271. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 13. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Really? I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. 177. 7. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. 56. 146. 53. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 202. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. So, why not team them up? "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". It makes them so damned mad. 12. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Your habits become your values. 222. 239. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 253. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 244. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 145. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 25. Laughter brings me closer to people. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. 265. How do trees access the internet? Flip Wilson, 263. But you can always be immature. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Henny Youngman, 246. 124. grateful. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. 118. 196. 264. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. 205. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Why did the can crusher quit his job? 272. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. - Catherine Pulsifer. What do computers eat for a snack? Steven Wright We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. 52. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 62. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 135. 198. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Good morning! I didnt want to interrupt her. 152. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 215. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. 181. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. He who laughs last didnt get it. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. 4. 212. Oh sheet! 8. Benjamin Franklin I am lazy till I get a motive. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Rodney Dangerfield. 9. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 232. Not everyone has good taste., 3. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. 25. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Shoot for the moon. Robert Bloch I am intelligent. Today I was a hero. Edward A. Murphy When nothing is going right, go left. 13. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 26. My son is now an entrepreneur. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 55. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. 132. Today I was a hero. What do computers eat for a snack? Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. 214. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". When life closes a door, just open it again. 144. 62. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! A gummy bear. Nothing, they just waved. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? I am tough and resilient. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Franklin Jones I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 9. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Art doesnt transform. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 15. Charles M. Schulz. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Never let anyone waste your time twice. 47. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day.

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